Holiday Mom Guilt

During the holiday season, we have this belief that we need to make everything magical and joyful for our kids. We are flooded with images and programs of holiday cheer and these special moments that we are supposed to create. Don’t get me wrong; I love a lot of them.  On the other hand, the holiday season can be busy, and sometimes I just need an hour or two to get things done. When I say no, the inevitable mom guilt begins. This is not a scenario that is unique to the holiday season. It happens all the time as we try to “do it all.” However, during the holiday season, the pressure is higher to make the most of every moment, and so is the guilt when we just can’t or don’t want to do it. How can we lessen the holiday mom guilt? 

Nothing has gone wrong.

The first thing to realize is that nothing has gone wrong. The initial guilt is totally normal. We feel guilty because we have competing desires.  We want to spend time with our kids and also want some space for ourselves or have other things to do. A lot of self-help advice will say to let go of this guilt. That just doesn’t work for me. In fact, that piles another layer of negative emotions because then I feel bad that I’m feeling guilty.  Who needs that? 

Stop Should’ing on yourself.

As I said above, I’m ok with keeping that first layer of guilt. That is what we call clean pain. I would argue that most of us want to feel a little bad if we are disappointing ourselves or others. What we need to get rid of is that second layer of pain, what Jody Moore likes to call dirty pain. In this case, it is the pain of thinking that things should be different. We should never disappoint our kids. We should be more organized so we can have more time with our kids. We should want to spend more time with our kids.  Insert whatever should you use here. This part of the mom guilt is simply not useful. 

What should you do to lessen the holiday mom guilt?

• Allow yourself to feel a little bit of guilt and a little bit of disappointment. 
• This is totally normal and healthy. 
• Remember that don’t need to be any different than you are.
• Drop the extra BS we pile on ourselves.

Now throw on a movie for the kids and take a nice long bubble bath. 

You deserve it.

Mostly Guilt free!