Letting go of old beliefs

I love this week! The last week of the current year is a time to clear out the clutter and begin the new year free of junk that is holding us back. This can be applied to more than your closet and your house. You can also clear out old beliefs that are holding you back. We think so many beliefs are true because we were told to believe them when we were kids. Most of the time, they are great beliefs to keep, like treating others how you would like to be treated. Other times, they might be beliefs that no longer serve or hold us back. Here are some beliefs I am questioning and how I am modifying them for the new year. 

A good daughter calls her mother every week.

Some of you might be gasping right now. If you call your mother every week and that works for you, then great. When I tell myself that a good daughter should call her mother every week, I start to resent the call. I feel like I don’t have the time or the bandwidth to call. When I call, I am distracted and sometimes short. The call to my mom ends up being a chore instead of an opportunity to really connect. This has led to a lot of guilt and shame for not being a “good daughter.” This year, I am choosing to believe that a good daughter calls her mom to connect, engage, and love. So it's ok if I don’t call her for one week because I have a lot to do or don’t feel like talking on the phone. I know that when I call her next, I will be fully present and enjoy the conversation. An added bonus is that I end up calling her more when I release the every-week obligation. 

A good mom doesn’t yell at her kids.

I have tried not to yell. Yes, I would like to yell less. When I believe that good moms don’t yell, I am racked with guilt every time I lose my shit on the kids. Deep down inside, I think that I am a mostly good mom. My kids seem to be relatively happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. And I also yell. Perhaps both can be true. When I think I am a bad mom when I yell, I am more likely to feel shame and hide or justify my actions. I am less likely to apologize and connect with my kids when I feel like this. This year, I am choosing to think that a good mom recognizes and apologizes to her kids when she loses her temper and yells. It is good for them to see that grownups lose their cool too. That way, they know it is normal to get mad and occasionally lose your cool. I also think it is healthy for kids to see adults apologize. It will take me a while to fully release the old thought and believe the new one, but I think it will ultimately lead to a better relationship with my kids.  

A good leader is always available for her team.

This is the year of boundaries for me at work. There is this martyr-type persona in medicine that a good leader will sacrifice themselves for their team. While I think it is important to defend your team and have their backs, I don’t think it is modeling good behavior to run yourself into the ground for your team. You are teaching them is your health and wellness are not important. If we want to see more well-being and resilience in medicine (or any field, for that matter), we need to model it from the top down. This is hard, especially as a woman in a male-dominated field. You might be perceived as weak or that you don’t have the dedication to your job. Then I think of all the physicians who are burnt out and leaving medicine. It’s time for a change. So this year, I am choosing to believe a good leader takes care of herself so that she is strong enough to take care of her team. This will mean that I have boundaries on the types of projects I can take on and when I am available. 

What beliefs would you like to get rid of or modify for this coming year?