How to release toxic judgment

Nothing says holidays and family gatherings like a little splash of judgment. Maybe you are judging someone in your family for how they are handling a situation. Maybe you feel like someone is judging you. If you find yourself saying or hearing, "I would never do that!" this post is for you.

Judging is human

We all judge others. You are not a bad person if you think a judgemental thought. What we do with those thoughts can make judgment toxic. Here are three ways to work through judgment.

Curiosity

I like to start by being curious about my judgment or others people's judgment. Why am I judging that person? Is it because there is something I am envious of? Is it something that I know I can be prone to do? I get very judgy when I think someone is not doing their share of the work. I know I tend to want to procrastinate and not do things. I have worked on holding myself accountable. This judgment shows me that I value hard work and accountability. You can do the same thing about someone who is judging you. Why might they be acting this way? Is it because this is something they have struggled with? Are they jealous of something you have? The beauty is you get to make up the reason. 

Maybe

You know I love maybe. When judging someone, I like to add "maybe" to the end of my sentence. He should wash the sink out after doing the dishes, maybe. (Yes, Pete, that is you!) The simple act of adding the maybe loosens my mind from thinking I am right. You can do the same when someone has a judgment about you. Your mother thinks that you should be easier on your kids. Maybe. Perhaps you should be easier on them. Or maybe not. Both are probably true. There are, for sure, times when I am too hard on my kids. And other times when I am lenient and inconsistent. I don't have to agree with her in that exact situation, but I can open my mind to the possibility that this may be true sometimes.

Mind your beeswax

Ever notice how when you judge someone, you are all up in their business, thinking that you know how they should act? Sometimes it is appropriate to step in, for example, if someone is being harmed. But often, we are all involved in someone else's drama thinking that we know best. When I catch myself here, I like to remind myself that this is none of my business. Conversely, when someone judges us, it is also none of our business. Their judgment simply reflects their thoughts about how the world should run. It has nothing to do with you and what you should or shouldn't do. 

Take yourself out of the judgment cycle 

When someone judges us, we turn around and judge them for judging. We judge our judgmental aunt for judging our weight. When you are on the receiving end of judgment, you can take yourself out of the cycle. You can employ curiosity, as we talked about. Compassion would look like, "It must be terrible to find fault with everyone." Then let it go. 

So whether you are on the giving or receiving end of judgment, try curiosity, maybe, mind your beeswax, and break free from the cycle.