Embrace the Busy

One thing that frustrates me about the self-help, diet, and organization movement is that it sets up these unrealistic expectations for our houses, lives, and bodies.  I love that the unbusy movement bucks against the social norms of being busy, consumerism, and body image. However, in an attempt to rebel against this standard, it creates an alternative perfect version of reality. Ultimately, it doesn’t create the advertised life of peace and ease we crave.

What I love about “most unbusy” is it recognizes that life is perfectly imperfect. It is the ebb and flow of feeling completely on top of your shit and then having it all come crashing down. It is the 50:50 of life. The central theme of these daily emails is to be intentional about the things you choose to let into your life and to roll with the chaos on the other days. Today's theme, “Embrace the busy,” embodies this philosophy.

You are a normal human mom.

Let’s start by being honest. As a mom, you are going to have busy days. You are not a failure. You are not disorganized. You are not a slacker. You are not a train wreck. You are a normal human mother and this is part of the experience. When you can let go of the expectation that things should be different, you can allow for a bit of grace and compassion for yourself. The next time you are running around juggling deadlines, carpools, and holiday obligations, instead of telling yourself that something went wrong, try telling yourself everything is happening exactly the way it should be. 

Rest is an essential part of training for your busy days.

The goal is not to eliminate your busy days. We just discussed that this is impossible. 

What if the goal is to be prepared for the busy days? In marathon training, you have weeks where you ramp up your mileage, followed by “down” weeks where you reduce your miles. Marathoners recognize that to increase their distance and speed it is essential to find time to rest the body. I find that a similar approach can be used after busy days. Most of us don’t have time for a whole down week,  but perhaps you can plan a down day or hour. When you find yourself saying I don’t have time for rest, remember this quote, “If you don’t take time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.”

You don’t need to earn your downtime.

A common theme I find when I coach moms is that they feel that they need to earn their rest time. If they haven’t finished their to-do list or attended to everyone else’s needs, they couldn’t possibly do something for themselves. I believe this stems from the above assumption that if you were just better, you would have your shit together, life would be easy, and magically all this downtime would show up in your day. When you fully accept that the busy, crazy, shit is hitting the fan days are normal and expected, you can begin to believe that you don’t have to punish yourself and don’t have to justify rest time. 

Downtime is a judgment-free zone.

Without a doubt, things like meditation, walking outside, and yoga have many benefits to your health and well-being. So often, we are told that our downtime has to include these things to be truly beneficial. After all, isn’t that what all the self-help books and blogs tell us? I think that this actually causes us to avoid downtime. Thinking that we have to do these “good for you” activities for it to count as healthy downtime has us avoiding rest. It just feels like one more thing we “have to do” and are failing short on.  I fully believe that binging on Netflix or scrolling through Instagram can be a part of healthy downtime. Yes, these activities can be problematic when we do them to avoid our to-do list or emotions. But when it is your planned downtime, it can be beneficial. 

The last two weeks of November were bananas. Things that were out of my control and some that were in my control pilled up. By Friday night, I was depleted and needed a mellow Saturday. So the kids and I had a rest day. I finished a series on Netflix, watched World Cup Soccer, scrolled on Instagram, and lounged on the couch with the kids. We all watched a ton of TV. The kids skipped swim practice.  We needed the downtime. I did not feel one drop of guilt.  As a result, we woke up Sunday morning in good spirits and ready to tackle the day. 

So this week, be mostly unbusy and remind yourself that:

• Some busy days are a normal part of being a mom. 

• No matter how you are doing it now, know that you are doing it right.

• Downtime is essential and you don’t need to earn it.

• The healthiest downtime activities are those that you actually want to do.